Archive for March 8th, 2011

Fat White Vampire Blues — Title Says It All

I just received Fat White Vampire Blues last weekend and finished it rather quickly.

Go ahead and read the title, and you pretty much know the lead character, Jules, right off the start. That makes it both a catchy title for a prospective reader and something good for the water cooler conversation. This dark and clever novel, written by Andrew Fox, stars the morbidly (Unmorbidly? Immorbidly?) obese vampire, Jules Duchon, and tells of his tale while surviving in the darkest corners of New Orleans.

The story begins with Jules feeding – well, trying to feed at least – on a woman he picks up off the streets. Unfortunately, she is a woman almost as big as he is (and our intrepid hero weighs in at around 450 pounds) and he has trouble finding her artery in her neck. Flustered, he struggles to please her sexually while he tries to her carotid artery (which is simply hilarious to heard his inner monologue of “Where is it, where is it?”, leaving the imagination left to figure out just what he’s having problems finding) until he manages to sink his fangs into the African American woman. And that is a key to the story, because he prefers darker woman due to their “sweeter taste”.

Gah, I feel like I’m writing a review for a bad porno all of the sudden.

Jules is living his undead life as best as he is able to until a new vampire named Malice X warns him off of feeding on the “women of color”. Malice X is claiming that they’re all his now, and Jules can feed off of white people only. Jules isn’t happy and threatens the new vampire, who scoffs at him and terrifies him. Jules is paranoid and desperate, and after a few rounds with the new vampire he turns to his old flame and creator, Maureen, a morbidly-obese vampire stripper. Throw in the cross-dressing vampire he created named Doodlebug who comes to help him as well and a Vatican-armed vampire killer/busty model with stakes implanted in her breasts and you’ve got a hell of a fun story.

Fat White Vampire Blues is fun, fun, fun. I couldn’t get over just how ridiculous and dark it is. It reminds me a lot of a good, dark Joss Whedon Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, where it’s hilarious and terrifying all rolled into one. Andrew Fox manages to create a very compelling main character with plenty of flaws and just enough of a sliver of heroism to make you root for Jules. However, there are times when you just want to slap the damned vampire upside the head and force him to be more, well, idealistic. Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer has pretty much ruined the public image of a vampire (gone is the terrifying aspect of death, replaced by the… whiny bitch of a vampire), but Andrew Fox stays true to the lore with the nearly pathetic Jules.

It’s a very good read, pick it up.

–Reviews by Jason